baby jess ([info]autumnsashes) wrote,
@ 2003-09-13 17:08:00
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Current mood:crushed
Current music:fata ; short stories with tragic endings

..Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person..


..and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much it's like choking down the embers of a great place.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions..

I think about a year or more ago. And see how much things have changed. I go to my old LJ [info]synthetictears ..and it brings back alot of memories. The Tony era has ended. He choose to not be friends anymore.. and not work things out. I'm taking it okay now.. but give me awhile and I'll be crying like I was, but 100 times worse when he broke up with me; or yelled at me; or told me I was a fucking retard. I love that boy to death. It will be hard to stop feeling this deep for him. Hard to get over all these emotions. This is it though. I believe this is truly the end. And I'm overwhelmed, scared, sad..

..and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
And you let this one person come down.. come down..

..I cherish you.. I cherish you.
Just say that you would do the same for me..
just say you would do the same..
just say you would do the same for me..

If you ever read this Tony. Remember everything good we had. And forget about the bad. I made some mistakes and I know.. and I'll regret that forever. If you ever miss me.. listen to our song. Glassjaw.. or From Autumn to Ashes. Close your eyes and dream of me. Because I shall do the same for you. Maybe someday in the future we can be together. But right now just isn't the time. And I wish it could be. I really wish. Good luck with the band. Friends. Jobs. College. Everything in life. Have fun with your first show @Wayne's party. You guys will be amazing I know it. To bad I won't be able to witness it. You're a good person. You deserve good things. I just hope one day you'll forgive me. I love you boo. You'll always have a place in my heart..

..For as much as I love Autumn,
I'm giving myself to Ashes..



Goodbye Tony &everyone.

(23 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]relaxandsleep
2003-09-13 03:28 pm UTC (link)
.. i'm sorry it had to end in such a manner you deserve so much better than all the hurt this boy is causing you.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]autumnsashes
2003-09-14 12:02 pm UTC (link)

Yeah.. I'm sorry things ended the way they did.. But people don't know how to treat other people.
Oh well..

xox

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]relaxandsleep
2003-09-14 12:45 pm UTC (link)
You deserve so much better. <3

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]jorge
2003-09-13 04:53 pm UTC (link)
i'm not sure as to what really to say other than i'm here if you need someone.
AIM: sunhasfailed

other than that *hugs*

i'm sorry things went the way they did.

<3

bryan

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]autumnsashes
2003-09-14 12:00 pm UTC (link)

No need to say anything. Nothing can change what happened.
I'm sorry things went the way they did also.
But I can't really do much now.. thanks <3

xox

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]candycoma
2003-09-13 06:08 pm UTC (link)
<3

I really hope you feel better.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]autumnsashes
2003-09-14 11:58 am UTC (link)

Me too.. I shall be fine. Thanks hun <3

xox

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]plastic_glimmer
2003-09-13 06:38 pm UTC (link)
After reading that I want to cry with you.
Keep your head up, beautiful. <3

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]autumnsashes
2003-09-14 11:57 am UTC (link)

I'm trying to be strong and stay positive. But it seems impossible.
No crying for you hun. I dont wanna cry anymore.
*hugs* thanks <3

xox

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]imagevsattitude
2003-09-13 08:57 pm UTC (link)
-hugs- i love you.... you're very brave, i admire that... you too shall be great one day. <3

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]autumnsashes
2003-09-14 11:53 am UTC (link)

*hugs* i love you also.. your comments always help while i'm down. It's highly appricated.
But I'm not what you think. I'm not brave or anything of sorts.
If anything I'm scared to death. I'm still a baby. I have so much to learn.
Please don't admire me, but I'm not worthy of that.
I hope one day I CAN be great and amazing. But I have alot to work on.
If I have learned one thing.. I've learned that life isn't fair. And people are fake.
I need to work things out with myself before trying to work things out with anyone..

xox

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]imagevsattitude
2003-09-14 04:07 pm UTC (link)
Even though you're just a seed you have great power. you are brave... to go what you have gone through and not just end it. Do you know how many people might go through the same pain and just give themselves into it? i dont but im sure there are a lot who live with it and let it run their lives and let it destroy thier futures. you are great now and with time you will be even greater. i Admire you because i feel like we share some of the same raw emotions... and i know that if you can take it and not fall then so can i... and i can better myself just how you can. You may be young but you are learning all the lessons i've learned in at a younger age... more power to you.

<3

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]sxerider
2003-09-13 09:28 pm UTC (link)
honestly i read this and started crying because i just though about my ex girlfriend while you were writing about your ex boyfriend....
it has now been a exact full year that we have been broken up....
and probably about 6 months that we haven't talked because shes too busy for anything else....
but like i've told you before i know how you feel in a way....
but just stay positive, good things will happen no matter what....
from what i've seen and read your good poeple and just wait for a bit and nothin but good things will happen....
rock the roll kid....

- Gino

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]autumnsashes
2003-09-14 11:48 am UTC (link)

I don't think such feelings should be placed upon people.
Emotions are just thrown around and toyed with. No one takes life seriously.
It's not fair that this is happening the way it has.
But thank you for all your comments.. it means alot.
*hugs*

xox

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]myxcrystalxrags
2003-09-14 07:19 am UTC (link)
im sorry for everything you have been through. i know at this point sorry is probably a nothing to you. but you keep your chin up and you strong. sometimes the things we think were meant for just arent what someone else was meant for and its a slap in the face. but in the end your not the one with the problem. its only going to help you in the end. your going to feel better ,and wiser

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]autumnsashes
2003-09-14 11:41 am UTC (link)

Luckily I have friends that no matter what we've been through will be there for me until the end.
Without them I wouldn't of lasted this long. I would be depressed and all fucked up.
Life is just one big slap in the face.. and no matter what everyone loses in the end.
Hopefully things will work out and I'll be 100% better.
Thanks hun <3

xox

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]maxalba
2003-09-14 12:33 pm UTC (link)
b-b-b-ut --but ill be so sad with out my crush bug :(

(Reply to this)


[info]myxcrystalxrags
2003-09-14 01:14 pm UTC (link)
just dont worry. things will work out in the end.
everyone loses because they die realy. just make the best outta shit

(Reply to this)


[info]myxcrystalxrags
2003-09-14 01:44 pm UTC (link)
should of added more to that.. yeah.. sometimes i can get into an advicey mood.. im one of those people who has never gone through a situation. but likes to see if she can help with it. do some things you havent done in a while.. light some candles.. burn some insense(incence.. i dont know), take a bath, take a walk. i find that i feel best taking a walk with my headphones on and sitting some where on my own. you should come downtown some friday and we can talk about stuff..
like i said. its not your loss.

(Reply to this)


[info]broken_vanity
2003-09-14 03:04 pm UTC (link)
That really made me want to cry. I hate to see people go through such torement. Makes me sad-did-did-did-did. Chin up beautiful! **huggles**

xoxox<3

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[info]xmissmisery
2003-09-14 06:29 pm UTC (link)
when it hurts to the core.....that's when you know it's still dangling in front of you. this was so reminiscent of what i am/was going through. it's such an ugly thing over something so beautiful....i wish you all the luck.

(Reply to this)


[info]rachaelcobain
2003-09-18 05:38 pm UTC (link)
If he's going to call you a "fucking retard" then you don't need to deal with him anyway.

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